Finding Balance: Tips for Thriving while Living in the Middle

What makes life balance so hard these days? We are constantly on the go, trying desperately to keep up with a barrage of demands on our time, money and resources. We are more burnt out than we have ever been, and yet we have never before had so many modern conveniences at our fingertips. What gives?

The building stress of it all increases our thirst for dopamine, the chemical of pleasure and reward, that gives us temporary relief from the unmerciful pressures of daily life. More and more we are tied to our phones and the social media that so easily entangles us to give us endless doses of instant gratification. All the while, we are distracted from our environment, from other people, and most impactfully, from ourselves.

In my line of work as a therapist, I meet a lot of wonderful women who are struggling with perfectionism. I recognize this readily, because I am a recovering perfectionist myself. There within lies this constant striving; a rigid task master who keeps us running away from any evidence that we are actually worthless. This belief has so many times been ingrained by the constant criticism and rejection from others who have had authority over us at our most crucial life points.

We subconsciously, with no real effort at all, disconnect from ourselves and look for ways to manipulate our environment into showing us our value. Yet, the all consuming “you’re not enough” is ever hanging over our heads, urging us to do the next thing on the list. In the end, scrolling on our phones (or any other distraction really) becomes our only reprieve.

So what happens when this becomes a way of life. Several things actually, but here are a few observations:

• Ongoing self-beratement that eventually sabotage any long-lasting effects of our efforts

• Dysfunctional relationships with people who take advantage of our willingness to accommodate

• Constant anxiety and fidgetiness due to an overactive nervous system that finds calm intolerable

• Resulting inflammation that causes physical ailments: chronic fatigue, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, back pain, seizures, insomnia (. . . on and on)

• Inevitable depression and helplessness

If we’re falling apart, then surely we can’t continue with being super, can we? So how do we obtain this elusive life balance?

Along with the strategies below, this book called "How to Stop Overthinking: The 7-Step Plan to Control and Eliminate Negative Thoughts, Declutter Your Mind and Start Thinking Positively in 5 Minutes or Less" could help you get started: https://amzn.to/407nA3z

Take Inventory

One of the best ways to start living a life of balance is to actually take inventory of what you are doing everyday.

In Psalms 90:12-14, King David prays,  “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”

How are you spending your days? Identify the non-sensical unnecessary tasks that are sucking your time and eliminate them. Time and energy are a limited resource, and you have to budget them wisely. Make sure you are working smarter, not harder.

David’s son Solomon (the wisest man ever) says, “If the axe is dull, and one does not sharpen the edge, then he must use more strength; but wisdom brings success.” (Ecclesiastes 10:10) This tells us that overbooking and pushing through is unwise. Instead, seek to be knowledgeable, resourceful and efficient.

Here's a great planner that might help you see and organize everything you have going on at a glance. https://amzn.to/407WFod

Incorporate Flexibility

Rigidity is the enemy, but framework is your friend. Yes, use a calendar as a framework to schedule daily tasks, but be sure to prioritize those tasks in order of importance. The less important, the more flexible you can be with when you do them.

We are not the same every day. You are not a robot, and your capacity on one day may look very different the next day (or even throughout a day). On the days when functioning is lower, move the lower priority tasks to another day. I know . . . you’re wondering how do you even know what your capacity is. One quick way is to use a body scan. Your body holds a lot of information, and it behooves us to check in with it. Here’s an example of how to do one.

Prioritize Rest

Speaking of prioritizing tasks, resting should be near the top, because it is one of the most basic of needs. Whether we want to admit it, rest is actually productive. We tell ourselves all kinds of foolishness to appease our anxiety – “I have to push through”, “This has to be done today”, “I might as well just do this one last thing” . . .  However, the more connected to our bodies we are, the more we start to recognize that we perform better and more efficiently when our brains have had time to cool off and regenerate.

I have this thought every now and again that God knows exactly how He made us, and because of that, He gives us instructions on how to live. Check out this scripture:

Hebrews 4:9-11: "There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from His. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest."

Ultimately, rest shows that you are willing to let God guide you, and that you trust Him to arrange circumstances on your behalf. Building of that trust takes prayer, time and focus, but it is so worth it. This great book on Amazon talks about this in detail. It's called "God Talks: How to Have a Friendship with God (Even if You’ve Made a Million Mistakes)". You can find the link here: https://amzn.to/4fa19iD

Pour In

This is one that my clients really struggle with a lot, because it feels unnatural. We all know about pouring out . . . We are givers and over accommodators, because it demonstrates our value to others and gives us a sense of power. The questions is “What or who is filling you?”. Accept that you are not an endless bucket and need to engage in activities that restore you.

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 13 says this: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens... That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God."

We need time for fun! Be around the people who encourage you. Sing loudly with the car windows down. Go roller skating, hiking, or biking. Watch shows that make you belly laugh. Read books that make you smarter. Listen to podcasts that inspire you. Get the picture?

Jesus says in John 10:10, "I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)". Fill yourself up, so that you can overflow onto others. Again, smarter, not harder.

Remove Negativity

Whether we recognize it or not, our mind works based on conditioning. In the same way that we digest food, what goes in (in abundance) comes out. Proverbs 4:23 tells us “Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life.” You can’t get much clearer than that.

So, you know that friend who is always complaining about everything, or that music with all the cuss words and glorifying of bad behavior, or the TV show that constantly talks about death? It all is influencing your belief system – the way you see yourself, others and the world; and you will start walking and talking it out in everyday life. That’s just how we are made; otherwise known as “meditating”.

We are actually instructed to be mindful and deliberate about what we think about. In Joshua 1:8, God says to meditate on His word day and night, so that we can do everything He has instructed us to do. Day and night is a lot of meditating. That’s how important it is!

Philippians 4:8 says to think on “whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

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Remember that you only get one life and every minute of it only comes once. Learn how to be content in every circumstance, so that you are grounded and able to be strategic. Practice being in the present. Don’t let busyness steal your life away!

Your power lies in the balance.

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