As an only child, I compared myself to others a lot, having a nagging awareness that I inherently acted outside of the realm of what the world considered to be “normal”. I think we all have a natural curiosity about the behaviors and lives of other people, but I would say that I probably had more than most. I would watch how other girls dressed and listen to the way they talked. I would observe how boys interacted with them, and how teachers responded to them. Even then, I found personalities profoundly fascinating.
I was very sharply aware at the contrast between them and myself, and would try so hard to keep my differences and “weirdnesses” under wraps, insomuch as to prevent becoming the dreaded outsider. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I figured out that the weirdness was actually neurodivergence (which wasn’t really a thing when I was growing up). To my surprise, as a therapist I found out that even the cool kids did some hiding, too, and often carried the same dread. Turns out nobody likes being rejected. Have you ever felt like you had to hide your differences? Have you been convinced all this time that it was just you?
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If you look in the rear-view mirror, you’ll realize that you have been trained to compare yourself to other people your whole life. TV commercials, magazines, social media influencers, growth charts, grading systems. These are just a few ways we are taught that we need to be more of this and less of that. Never mind that these standards are mostly driven by marketing campaigns that feed capitalism in one way or another, but that’s a topic for another day. In our culture, assimilating is an expectation, and often uniqueness is shunned and shamed. It makes one wonder how we have any innovation at all.
Where did the word “normal” come from anyway? Glad you asked. According to Oxford Languages, the word normal is derived from the Latin word “normalis” and was created in the 17th century. It was used to describe things that were made from a carpenter’s square. Other definitions describe the meaning as “done exactly, according to the rule ”. We all know (but sometimes struggle to accept) that none of us, not one single person, is cookie cutter in any way, and yet we somehow collectively convinced ourselves that we are supposed to be. Because of that and the fact that we instinctively run from the hurt of shame, a lot of us have forced ourselves into boxes we don’t belong in, and have become targets for manipulators.
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I think one of the reasons we hold on to this idea of normalcy is so that it helps us to connect to each other. There is a comfort in familiarity. Since no man is an island, we realize that we need each other in order to have a functioning society. Isaiah 64:8 says, “Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay and you are the Potter; we are all the work of Your hand.” This shows God’s intentionality in making us. It was not by accident, regardless of the circumstances that brought us to this planet. You were made on purpose.
However, it is the fear of not being as good as “them” that creates this dynamic of fake superiority and inauthenticity. Give this a thought. We all have fingers, yet none of those fingers have the same design of fingerprint. Not ONE of them are alike. What do you think our Creator is telling us by making us this way? How can we be so similar and yet so distinctly different? If you ask me, I would say that we are made to be similar enough to relate to each other, but different enough to bring our uniqueness to the table for the benefit of the group. We would be exponentially weaker if we were carbon copies off of an assembly line.
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In Psalm 139:13-14 David says, “For You created my innermost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Do you know it, too? That what God put inside you is good? In Genesis, He “pops his collar” after looking out on all He had made, and said that it was good [Genesis 1:31]. This shows just a little of God’s personality, and makes me smile.
You are not amazing because of how close you can get to some obscure idea of “normal”. You are not amazing because you have worked yourself to death contorting into someone you are not. You are amazing because your Creator embedded all kinds of gifts and abilities inside of you for His purpose and His glory, and He says that it is good. THAT is what makes you valuable! Pause right there and let that sink in for just a moment… Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advanced for us to do.” The value that He put inside of you was put there for a specific intention. We become wildly distracted when we minimize our own value to go striving after someone else’s that we saw on Instagram. Shame is such a devious way to divert us from engaging in the good works that we were made for.
You say, “Lots of people can do what I do. There’s nothing special about it.” Listen to me closely, sweetheart. God wants more than one person to be doing a thing in order for the “good works” to have the desired effect. However, it doesn’t matter if a million people over the course of history have done a certain thing. Not a single one of them is going to be able to do it the way you do it. Your gifts and abilities get mixed in with your personality, lessons learned and core beliefs. Just like a fingerprint or a zebra’s stripes, those are only unique to you. This took me a minute to grasp, I have to admit. So . . . as “still on a journey” as I am, I can fully say now that I am not only weird and quirky, but am also a good mom, wife, business owner, mentor, therapist and every other thing that God has made me; and I am able to stand in it without any hiding. Thank you, God, for my uniqueness and for using it to bring You glory! And thank You that through You I am still becoming.
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Remember that, because He is a master strategist, the Holy Spirit comes alongside you to draw out your uniqueness to do the good that He intended every day in a variety of circumstances. Pay attention to it. Stop peaking over the fence in somebody else’s yard. Run your own race in your own lane. Don’t you ever forget for one single solitary moment that you have your very own treasures in jars of clay.
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